The Idiot Page 18

hopes; but once you said justone word, and that word lighted up the night of my life, and became thebeacon of my days. Say one more such word, and save me from utter ruin.Only tell me, ‘break off the whole thing!’ and I will do so this veryday. Oh! what can it cost you to say just this one word? In doing so youwill but be giving me a sign of your sympathy for me, and of your pity;only this, only this; nothing more, _nothing_. I dare not indulge in anyhope, because I am unworthy of it. But if you say but this word, I willtake up my cross again with joy, and return once more to my battle withpoverty. I shall meet the storm and be glad of it; I shall rise up withrenewed strength.

  “Send me back then this one word of sympathy, only sympathy, I swearto you; and oh! do not be angry with the audacity of despair, with thedrowning man who has dared to make this last effort to save himself fromperishing beneath the waters.

  “G.L.”

  “This man assures me,” said Aglaya, scornfully, when the prince hadfinished reading the letter, “that the words ‘break off everything’do not commit me to anything whatever; and himself gives me a writtenguarantee to that effect, in this letter. Observe how ingenuously heunderlines certain words, and how crudely he glosses over his hiddenthoughts. He must know that if he ‘broke off everything,’ _first_, byhimself, and without telling me a word about it or having the slightesthope on my account, that in that case I should perhaps be able to changemy opinion of him, and even accept his--friendship. He must know that,but his soul is such a wretched thing. He knows it and cannot makeup his mind; he knows it and yet asks for guarantees. He cannot bringhimself to _trust_, he wants me to give him hopes of myself before he letsgo of his hundred thousand roubles. As to the ‘former word’ which hedeclares ‘lighted up the night of his life,’ he is simply an impudentliar; I merely pitied him once. But he is audacious and shameless. Heimmediately began to hope, at that very moment. I saw it. He has triedto catch me ever since; he is still fishing for me. Well, enough ofthis. Take the letter and give it back to him, as soon as you have leftour house; not before, of course.”

  “And what shall I tell him by way of answer?”

  “Nothing--of course! That’s the best answer. Is it the case that you aregoing to live in his house?”

  “Yes, your father kindly recommended me to him.”

  “Then look out for him, I warn you! He won’t forgive you easily, fortaking back the letter.”

  Aglaya pressed the prince’s hand and left the room. Her face was seriousand frowning; she did not even smile as she nodded good-bye to him atthe door.

  “I’ll just get my parcel and we’ll go,” said the prince to Gania, as here-entered the drawing-room. Gania stamped his foot with impatience. Hisface looked dark and gloomy with rage.

  At last they left the house behind them, the prince carrying his bundle.

  “The answer--quick--the answer!” said Gania, the instant they wereoutside. “What did she say? Did you give the letter?” The princesilently held out the note. Gania was struck motionless with amazement.

  “How, what? my letter?” he cried. “He never delivered it! I might haveguessed it, oh! curse him! Of course she did not understand what Imeant, naturally! Why--why--_why_ didn’t you give her the note, you--”

  “Excuse me; I was able to deliver it almost immediately after receivingyour commission, and I gave it, too, just as you asked me to. It hascome into my hands now because Aglaya Ivanovna has just returned it tome.”

  “How? When?”

  “As soon as I finished writing in her album for her, and when she askedme to come out of the room with her (you heard?), we went into thedining-room, and she gave me your letter to read, and then told me toreturn it.”

  “To _read?_” cried Gania, almost at the top of his voice; “to _read_,and you read it?”

  And again he stood like a log in the middle of the pavement; so amazedthat his mouth remained open after the last word had left it.

  “Yes, I have just read it.”

  “And she gave it you to read herself--_herself?_”

  “Yes, herself; and you may believe me when I tell you that I would nothave read it for anything without her permission.”

  Gania was silent for a minute or two, as though thinking out someproblem. Suddenly he cried:

  “It’s impossible, she cannot have given it to you to read! You arelying. You read it yourself!”

  “I am telling you the truth,” said the prince in his former composedtone of voice; “and believe me, I am extremely sorry that thecircumstance should have made such an unpleasant impression upon you!”

  “But, you wretched man, at least she must have said something? Theremust be _some_ answer from her!”

  “Yes, of course, she did say something!”

  “Out with it then, damn it! Out with it at once!” and Gania stamped hisfoot twice on the pavement.

  “As soon as I had finished reading it, she told me that you were fishingfor her; that you wished to compromise her so far as to receive somehopes from her, trusting to which hopes you might break with theprospect of receiving a hundred thousand roubles. She said that if youhad done this without bargaining with her, if you had broken with themoney prospects without trying to force a guarantee out of her first,she might have been your friend. That’s all, I think. Oh no, when Iasked her what I was to say, as I took the letter, she replied that ‘noanswer is the best answer.’ I think that was it. Forgive me if I donot use her exact expressions. I tell you the sense as I understood itmyself.”

  Ungovernable rage and madness took entire possession of Gania, and hisfury burst out without the least attempt at restraint.

  “Oh! that’s it, is it!” he yelled. “She throws my letters out of thewindow, does she! Oh! and she does not condescend to bargain, while I_do_, eh? We shall see, we shall see! I shall pay her out for this.”

  He twisted himself about with rage, and grew paler and paler; he shookhis fist. So the pair walked along a few steps. Gania did not stand onceremony with the prince; he behaved just as though he were alone inhis room. He clearly counted the latter as a nonentity. But suddenly heseemed to have an idea, and recollected himself.

  “But how was it?” he asked, “how was it that you (idiot that you are),” he added to himself, “were so very confidential a couple of hours afteryour first meeting with these people? How was that, eh?”

  Up to this moment jealousy had not been one of his torments; now itsuddenly gnawed at his heart.

  “That is a thing I cannot undertake to explain,” replied the prince.Gania looked at him with angry contempt.

  “Oh! I suppose the present she wished to make to you, when she took youinto the dining-room, was her confidence, eh?”

  “I suppose that was it; I cannot explain it otherwise.”

  “But why, _why?_ Devil take it, what did you do in there? Why did theyfancy you? Look here, can’t you remember exactly what you said to them,from the very beginning? Can’t you remember?”

  “Oh, we talked of a great many things. When first I went in we began tospeak of Switzerland.”

  “Oh, the devil take Switzerland!”

  “Then about executions.”

  “Executions?”

  “Yes--at least about one. Then I told the whole three years’ story of mylife, and the history of a poor peasant girl--”

  “Oh, damn the peasant girl! go on, go on!” said Gania, impatiently.

  “Then how Schneider told me about my childish nature, and--”

  “Oh, _curse_ Schneider and his dirty opinions! Go on.”

  “Then I began to talk about faces, at least about the _expressions_ offaces, and said that Aglaya Ivanovna was nearly as lovely as NastasiaPhilipovna. It was then I blurted out about the portrait--”

  “But you didn’t repeat what you heard in the study? You didn’t repeatthat--eh?”

  “No, I tell you I did _not_.”

  “Then how did they--look here! Did Aglaya show my letter to the oldlady?”

  “Oh, there I can give you my fullest
assurance that she did _not_. I wasthere all the while--she had no time to do it!”

  “But perhaps you may not have observed it, oh, you damned idiot, you!” he shouted, quite beside himself with fury. “You can’t even describewhat went on.”

  Gania having once descended to abuse, and receiving no check, very soonknew no bounds or limit to his licence, as is often the way in suchcases. His rage so blinded him that he had not even been able to detectthat this “idiot,” whom he was abusing to such an extent, was veryfar from being slow of comprehension, and had a way of taking inan impression, and afterwards giving it out again, which was veryun-idiotic indeed. But something a little unforeseen now occurred.

  “I think I ought to tell you, Gavrila Ardalionovitch,” said the prince,suddenly, “that though I once was so ill that I really was little betterthan an idiot, yet now I am almost recovered, and that, therefore, it isnot altogether pleasant to be called an idiot to my face. Of course youranger is excusable, considering the treatment you have just experienced;but I must remind you that you have twice abused me rather rudely. Ido not like this sort of thing, and especially so at the first timeof meeting a man, and,